If you haven’t seen Behind Her Eyes, Netflix’s newest “psychological thriller” for people who’ve seen literally everything there is to see during the lockdown, save yourself the trouble. Suffice it to say that these are characters who have learned to control their night terrors by manipulating their dreams using a technique known as “astral projection”. I know.

Mind you, I could use a little astral projection myself now. Increasingly, I wake up drenched in sweat and curse Pep Guardiola for leaving Phil Foden on the bench despite his bubbly shape, or I remember Harvey Barnes being stretched out just hours after consuming a valuable transfer on Bring him * in a double game week *.

Yes, I’m talking about fantasy football. It is taking over my life and most likely your life too, considering how many of us are playing it now and seemingly tweeting about it before, during, and after the games. Every matchday – that’s pretty much every day at the moment – fantasy managers lament the fact that Ilkay Gundogan stopped scoring after they finally signed him or congratulate themselves on staying with Emiliano Martinez.

A clairvoyant triple captain Gareth Bale this week took a cool 57 points on Sunday after the Wales star suddenly remembered he was a four-time Champions League winner and not an oversized bench pillow. Their foresight provoked a mixture of jealousy and boredom among competing managers.

“This spectacular mix of foresight and blind confidence drives me crazy,” wrote a BBC sports correspondent, Natalie Pirks, noting lonely that Joao Cancelo, like Foden in my nightmare, had been benched by Pep while Ben Mee did had shipped for her week.

I wonder if we’ve got to the stage where fantasy football takes over real football. I mean the lines are blurring. It seems that even players’ initial thoughts now revolve around fantasy points. “It just wouldn’t go in. Sorry for the FPL #nottonight points,” tweeted Raheem Sterling after failing to score in Manchester City’s 4-1 win over Wolves on Tuesday.

“I’m angry,” Patrick Bamford admitted to the BBC in January after announcing he’d ditched the captaincy (who deserves double points) just to score a goal and two assists against Leicester. Aston Villa has since banned its players from playing after reports of a Jack Grealish injury leaked when various teammates relocated the 25-year-old from their fantasy teams.

Where does it end? I’ve always been a fan of fantasy football / cricket / rugby. When I was in school, I thought about the county’s averages and weighed whether I could afford Steve James or Saqlain Mushtaq. My friends and I even developed our own fantasy premier league game with an intricate design system at the beginning of each season. I remember being in goal with Steve Ogrizovic for a whole year.

Long after I graduated from school, I swore it off. It annoyed me that I was hoping my fantasy players would perform sooner than the team I actually supported. But I’ve picked it up again as my kids have now reached the age I thought they’d like to run a team and it would help them get to know football.

Big mistake.

Now every morning they sneak downstairs to ask Alexa about last night’s results and add, “And who helped please Alexa?” It feels like their priorities have gotten out of hand.

Perhaps it’s Lockdown that sucked life out of reality and it feels like the parody of That Mitchell and Webb Look Sky Sports, an endless round of games that go on endlessly, with every kick of it mattering massively to someone , probably.

“This week the GIANTS of Charlton are hosting the TITANS of Ipswich … which makes them both look normal!” Maybe this season the nightmare will end and we will return to full stadiums and games that feel like they actually matter.

Until then, I fear the night terrors will continue. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to decide who to bring in for Harvey Barnes.