Destroyed. Path. Buried through the process of excavation to the limits of history.

The evidence of Manchester City’s greatest crime is now forever in piles of sand and, don’t say it, weed lost. Forget about FFP violations and alleged sportswear staining, this was the club’s most heinous crime.

The allegations spread like wildfire, City and Pep Guardiola in deadless denial and an eternal question: Did they adjust the playing surface before their league win against Liverpool on January 3, 2019?

“I’m not the greenkeeper!” Guardiola replied in response.

“We haven’t manipulated the field. Liverpool want to play fast and we want to play faster.”

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We have to respect the game and the rules, with rules for everyone. I never speak to the groundskeeper. I did it in the summertime in the beginning for a lot of reasons.

But I have too many problems on my mind to worry about the grass. I never use the phone to request certain types of parking spaces. We always want to win in the best possible way. “

The news that City is in the process of digging their pitch to install a brand new, state-of-the-art and technologically advanced surface at the Etihad Stadium really doesn’t require any contribution from Liverpool. But on the other hand, it’s closed time and the euros have still not started. And yet, it’s a harmless topic to remember, isn’t it?

Something felt like the night Guardiola’s team landed a telling jab in a punch-by-punch title race. The playing field looked slower and not as smooth as it should be on a rainy winter evening. In fairness, this probably explains Vincent Kompany’s horribly overlooked and underpunished duel with Mohamed Salah in the first half.

A few days later the pitch became topical and had reached Guardiola out of nowhere in a press conference. City fans celebrated with social media posts from “BuTthEyGrEwtHEGrAsS” and the like.

Actually, it shouldn’t be that big of a problem. In the football matches at the elite level – especially this season – the slightest profit could and was the difference.

When Liverpool played Tottenham at Wembley last September, ground staff only spent the break watering the half of the pitch where the home side would attack. I wrote it down in the stadium and thought nothing more than “fair game”. When it happened here, it became a strange accusation, riddled with paranoia and baseless.

And now it’s gone forever, and with it our ability to prove a crime that never happened. And the point of this satire is that no one tried to blame City for anything, not this time. It was just an observation, dare I say even a touch of praise was in order.

As always, don’t take this too seriously. The grass isn’t always greener, but whether or not it was longer on that fateful evening will forever ponder.

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